jus a thought or 2..

watchin what women want wit mel gibson.
this is actually a dope movie. i wish i could get electricuted and then have the ability to read minds of the opposite sex..minus the whole get electricuted part.
*haha
but if i could read the male mind i wonder what types of things i would find out. what type of things they keep to themselves and dont just say out loud. would i tell people about this? probably not. if u know someone can read ur thoughts u would probably have less thoughts. or be around them less
the therapist in the movie said if u know what woman want, you could rule the world. shit prolly not.. what do woman want? idk. i just want my sanity. i want to find someone to complete me[maddd corny] i want somebody to chase me a little, i wanna have some greeeat conversations. like some of the dopest conversations ever. i gets deeep.*pause /i love to talk.obviously. i want to be asked about my day, remember if i said i was doing somethin note worthy and ask about it, somebody who wants to do stuff like get starbucks or just kick it and not have to move his hands from ma thighs, or tongue from my neck every 5 minutes..is it possible to just kick it no strings attached? i want someone to understand that i clean my ears daily some time bi,tri,& quad daily[if there is such a thing] not so u can stick ur tongue in it or blow ur hot breath in it, so i can have the damn shivers afterwards. i want some one who doesnt mind holdin hands every now & then, some1 chill, someone who will bring me around his friends, someone creative, someone who listens & actually remember..damn.. that would be nice. but i cant help but think, wen will i find mr.what women want?

sadly its looking grim for this lifetime

A friendship more complicated than a relationship but less rewarding cus its sexless.

hi welcome to my world blah blah heres the drama.i had a blowup with my dick head of a best friend about the goings on of yesterday. hott couldnt describe my emotion thouroughly enough. im jolly now.power of music i suppose, but i wrote this rite n tha middle of my funk..

Y is it easier for me to express myself thru writting then over the phone r face to face? I used to ask myself that all the time but I figured it out. I'm hella emotional. Its not really a personality flaw but it is a pain n the ass. I cry when I'm frustrated cus that's what I have control over. I can't write a 7 page text message tear friend but if I have to say the words I'm tearing up. Dickhead makes me wonder y I even bother. He knows how to push my buttons. But if u know how to make me mad is it really an accomplishment wen I get there? Is this friendship toxic and I don't see it? Y do I always have to be at my boiling point, talkin bout fck him this is too much work and give his ass the coldest shoulder before he realizes that he went to far? Idk these r not questions I can answer myself. And this is just a friendship so now ask y would I rather be single? I put so much of myself n my friendships that I'm too exhausted to be n a relation ship. For somebody who swears she's to chill for drama I find myself in a lot when it comes to dickhead. Is it worth it? That's what I continue to ask myself.

i think i will post our text converstion later so u can see why the hell i steamin beaman dude is truly a piece of effin work

Current Events

found my seeing sounds cd.legit

drove to the edge of the earth to get dickhead and took him to work. we road in silence. im still salty about last nights fiasco. now i am all about holdin grudges but i woulda dropped the attitude for a simple apology. did i get that? noope apparently it was too much to ask.

currently duckin his calls and ignoring his texts.

the cold part about it is im not even madd any more. but until i get that damn apology [ and some damn flowers would be nice] he gets no comunicay!

anywho. maino has a new song with t-pain. its growin on me but so far so badd. watev im a maino supporter so i endorse it. http://www.zshare.net/audio/547808017adca0b3/

rhymefest has a diss record out on charles hamilton. im not bein modest when i say this but that black ass shaft lookin mofo got tha game messed up. it was whack and all he did was call ch gay in a hundred different ways. hated it.

he betta sit down wit his pleather so soft who tha eff am i wit ma 1 hit wonder ass down.

niggery finished.. still debating on doin my notorius blog. they made pac look like a dweeb & bat shit crazy. there was some pissed off niggas at the movies that night and i was one of them..maybe tomorrow

MothaF*&^%$#@@

3:55am Cali time babyy

just got home from a game night with my actual bestfriend and my friend who i call best friend. i knew this was gonna be a shitty ass nite cus rite before i got to park the police stopped me and said he got 3 calls about me so called driving recklessly on the freeway.

wtf. cavi did wat?

bullshit. if he woulda tried to give me a ticket i woulda fell out of the car and started sizzlin like bacon..anything to get out of a ticket rite.

ok so we went inside and immediatly cracked a bottle and broke out the uno cards. my besfriend who will now be known as dickhead started workin ma nerves. now here is somethin u should know about me 1. im never wrong 2.i hate loosing 3.i hate wen people talk over me 4.im emotional. watever blame it on my ovaries im just an emotional creature.. here is somethin u should no about dickhead 1. he's never wrong 2.he hates loosing 3.he ALWAYS talks over me 4. he is amused by my angry rants[ or as he calls it, tantrums] toxic combination. oh and if u need to kno anything about the dude i call bestfriend know he loves wen me and dickhead argue and he is usually on whater side im not on!

so i win a game,dickhead wins a game, i win a game, dick head wins a game, by now he is actin like a real porkface, braggin about how he is winning because he won the most recent game. i explain its a tie and this game will determine the winner, he aint havin it.. ok so im at about a 5 rite now. im slightly irrated but watever .

he wins the next game after no lie 50somethin minutes of me silently prayin he looses and him runnin his mouth. we started monopoly, he swears up and down i cheat when im the banker & i make up my own rules i kindly tell him to shut what i like to call the fck up about 9 times before i even deal the money. im at about a 7.

nonsense insues.
harrassment and character assasinations from dickhead
cuss words,middle fingers and a murder attempt from me
bestfriend amused by the scene we're making
me debating pros and cons of a life in jail for double homicide

im at a 20 by the middle of the beggining of the game. fckin dickhead.

all this and i ask, if u know exactly what button to push to piss somebody off would u press that button? i respect him too much to call him a bitch but i swear to god[who's ever god] that he makes me mad enuf to tar and feather him.old school.

i left before i had to get ig'nant. flippin couches and bangin on ma chest like king effin kong. now im home ventin my frustrations. tomorrow he should beware cus im always my most evil when i had sometime to think shit thru. warnings*

the cool kids

my favorite cool kid is chuck frickiin inglish. yeaa that was months n the making i honestly couldnt decide. random but watever cunts i can say what i want.

so this [well the video above] is tha pennies video. my only problem wit it is mikey kept doin tha retard lip move. he moved one side of his lip really high and the other part really low. i felt retarted while watchin. thats soo niggerish and if he thinks its cool lookin i beg to differ. it looks..well retarted. watev i still rock out wit my [female] cock out so tha cool kids r winners to me.

myspace rant.idk where it came from

im on myspace and tha douch to tha bags on here are just triflin.

whos profile title is: comment my pics? or :leave me a voice comment? ur soundin super duper thirstaay.i also hattttte to the 9th degree when people take pictures wit the camera in the picture.like ya know wen u see the camera n the bathroom mirror!!?!. or wen they do everything in their power take squash their full body into a flick so u can see their so called dope looks like hobo wear outfits.

noo how bout tha softcore porn bucket-naked pictures. all lame! the people who have like 4 thousand friends, who use glitter graphics that say shit like thanks for tha add and little poems about about you are. and dont get me started on music pages. ahhhhh how the hell do u not kno u cant rap? ur beats r whack? or the production of ur shit is booboo garbage.. man they should never gave u niggas music pages! or myspaces for that matter. ok im done

SOB's clash of the titans..or ya kno..somethin like that

man so tha charles hamilton v. serius jones cypher is probably thee most twittered thing today. dead ass every body is talkin about it. i am a charles hamilton fan so i was talkin shit n my head about serius before i watched the video[like a true fan.lol]

started off nice first like 3 seconds and serius was droppin bars. then charles attacked. good shit as well. but tha next verse proved to be my fav in the whole cypher. serius was chill droppin gem after gem..there was no coming back from that. check it and let me know wat u think. i'll be on twitter so ccatch me there

"if bein real wasnt a decision y am i even fckin wit religion"

so this convo started out innocent enough.i had said that i thought it was shady that gay people couldnt get married. im from cali and we are know for bein a pretty liberal state [says every1 who thinks cali is just LA and San Francisco] but anywho. i jus said that 1 little thing to my church goin/sex havin partyin bf and he hit me wit the sin against god argument.

WOW.''

i love how thats always the first argument to be made when it comes to tha gays. it also says in the bible that ur not to have sex outside of marriage and that sex was made for reproducing. soo my bf has sex like a rabbit on viagra and a E pill. thats a sin against god/bible too. i got hella mad cus his arrogant attitude made me wanna stab him with a number 2 pencil,unsharpened. what makes someone who is not god the authority on the sins man commits. who told him that their sin is worse then the sins he commit. its more then irratating. god knows ur heart and s/he makes us the way we are. the same way he says commiting suicide is a sin, killing others is a sin, and putting another god before him is a sin, he created man with the free minds and free will to make the choices they make

but this isnt even about religon this is about the rights we have as people. until everyone has equal rights like it says we should then America is not as free as we would like to think. it says marriage is about a man and woman but it use to say blacks and white couldnt marry each other and that changed so why cant this? i say let people marry who they want. marriage is already a shady fucked up and soo not worth it union if they feel they wanna get it in then by all means be miserable like most of the married people of today

randomly

jus cus i needed to blog today..

twitter is soo addicting!! its crazy i refresh for updates minute[ly]and i love how the "celebs" are so accesible. and anyone who twitters follow me i shall follow u. sounds kinda biblical huh. i think my favorite updates come from wale. usually hilarious and thought provoking. i bet if u didnt have twitter that alone makes u want one.haha but wat i hate is the fake like "official so&so's twitter" and especially the people whos updates are always " at blankey blanks studio" or any of the other political rap bullshit. oh yea and i hate the people who have their damn assitants twitter for them. LAMe. promote on myspace leave twittering to tha pros [pats self on back then hits the harlem shake]

anywhooooo listening to my 88 keys cd/ silently judging all tha so & so's on rock of love bus.


blah blah blah fill this up and i've bloggd.. tah-dahh:)

my life contadictions

i said to myself in o9 i do things differently.
i said i would stop tryna be everything to everybody. stop over extendin myself man. im a people pleaser and thats a negative because tryin to make everybody happy usually leaves me tired and bitchy.

i also said i was going to think more closely about the decisions i make. i am really jus go wit the flow but being go wit the flow can be a negative too. i quit h&m cus i didnt feel like goin to work one day. no call no show. next day same shit. so eventually i just called to quit. same with my restuarant job, my security job, and my first college. it not that things were hard i just wanted somethin different. somethin new.something fulfilling. time doesnt roll backwards and im getting older. i really am not tryna be a 30 year old massage therapist/surfer/folk dancer.

the last thing i said was i was gonna think less in my relationships. i get in situations where i just cant seem to let my guard down. this means im dolo all the time. this doesnt require explaination cus it is what it is. hopefully i can switch direction or at least get my life together.

maybe tomorrow i can better express myself im dumb tired rite now. read it a couple times tho i kno it makes some kind of sense

idk sometimes i just black..

ok so a past time of mines is finding and listening to interviews. my favos r the ones i find on Sirius radio. radio with no censorship no commercial and music wit all tha cuss words.hahah but anywho i listened to the jamie foxx show when he had superhead on and i just starting thinking about superhead. she is funny. but not funny haha she is funny like is she serious funny? now before i black jus know that my intentions were not to hate but it is wat it is and its prolly gonna come off wrong. now she says she is a role model and she is goin to all these schools to talk to tha students and her message is to uplift women but how are u suppose to be uplifted by a woman who sucked a mean dick for a living and exploited all then men she wrote about. honestly she is full of shit and its about money and being the center of attention.you can yell hi hater till ur tongue dries up but thats why there are two books about all of her fuckery and best believe she was name dropping cus the more big names the better. now she had tha new book dont kno tha name all i know is its about keeping a when this so and so goes threw men like a sicky goes thru Kleenex. which part of any of this is uplifting?

now she is smart. this is where i will big her up. look at superhead and look at the new breed of video hoe. thick wit big titties and bigger asses [pause no homo all that otha bs yall love]she aint got nothin on them otha hoes plus she is gettin old and played out. she had 2 options 1 was fall back and reflect on the wonder years or stay "poppin". obviously she took door number 2. so she writes a book and it was really the first of its kind. not the first scandal story but the first hiphop groupie bitch book with tha names of people you cnt keep out of your mouth or off your tv or off your computer screen. book dropped and smashed so she rode the wave and did it again. woow so none of this is uplifting or positive rite. well apparently the whole time her goal was to teach the what not to do's of the industry blah blah. soo if thats her whole thing then where does the book on how to find and keep a man come in at? yess! and i listened to an interview where she said that was the book she was pushin in the first place.

so with all this being said why r you doing interviews and touring schools saying your goal is to be a role model for woman and in the same breath telling people dont do anything for nothing and your pussy has a price. be real about your intentions and stop switchin shit up when its convenient. the only thing i learned from superhead is being a groupie can pay all you need is a strong neck, a mac book and a publicist.

bart shootings and the madness in ma town

when will this change. Oscar Grant was the man shot in killed while handcuffed and not resisting in any way. this tears me up. i didnt want to blog about it but i just needed to say one thing. i am so sorry for your loss sophia. she is oscars girlfriend and the mother of his 4 year old daughter. a daughter who will now live the remainder of her life left with out her daddy to teach her how to ride her bike with no training wheels, to drop her off at school, teach her numbers, or do anything else with her.

i get soo mad when i hear people actually trying to make excuses for the cop. he was reaching for his taser? for what oscar was on the ground, handcuffed with a knee on his head. what kind of threat did he pose? the cops actions were unexcusable. for one how have u been a cop for 2 years and still dont know where your taser is? and again why would u tase a man who is handcuffed and laying down. whatever our justice system is so fucked up those questions may never be answered.

now the protest. i dont understand it? what is being protested? the family is sueing and will win, the cop quit and will be brought up on charges. the protest is now a riot. stores being looted, cars being broken into, set on fire, all that is ridiculous. think about this, the cop shot a helpless handcuffed person but the protestors are not helpless and are actually actin a fool. in that situation cops have the right [they are allowed by law] to do whats neccessary to maintain order. meaning u can get tasered, peppersprayed and under the extreme circumstances shot. the cops will be justified because of the sheer fuckery of the situation. if you want to protest then do just that, PROTEST. a protest is not a riot which is why there are two different words for them. the owners of the cars and stores had nothing to do with the situation so i say quit lookin for reasons to act niggerish[ the ignorant aspect not the blackness of it]and stop making it easier for cops to get away with the bullshit they continue to slide with

Fortune Cookies

"the best prophet for the future is your past"

that was the fortune pulled from my..well fortune cookie. haha
i read and dissect my fortunes so wen i got this one i was amped because its self explainatory and real shit. learn from the mistakes and missteps in your past. learn from the bad so you can make it better. some people say when it comes to the past dont look back. i say the opposite look at what shaped you into the person you are today. past experiences are learning experiences.

it was a pretty simple fortune so no need to keep rambling about it just thought i would share. what was the realest fortune u ever pulled from a cookie? they are no longer just snacks, they are also thought provoking blog starters.lol

wats beef?

listening to mos def and talib kweli [whats beef]

it got me thinking about the so called beefs in hip hop. do beef exist with out violence? and what does tha violence resolve if it does exist? 50 had beef with ja rule but it was all pretty innocent and i aint gone lie get rich or die tryin was a hell of an album. plus 50 proved that he can shut careers all tha way down cus who we kidding ja rule never recovered. but then you have the newest beef between jump off joe budden and some dude who im hearing is a rapper. it was all shits and giggles for me and tha other nosey ass people checkin world star for daily updates until ransom went to joes homies house and his friend smacked up dude who lived there. he was a friend of a friend im sure u watched the video. any way this was all to say when does all the none sense come to an end. this situation could turn ugly nd im talkin gun play ugly. but joe and ransom have kids and families so as adults when is it time to stop thinkin about yourself and ur ego and start thinkin the consequences of your actions. i kno its sounds corny and madd preachy but im jus sayin. if anything should happen to either of them a child would go fatherless a mother without a son and their fans would shit outta luck too.

honestly beef is not about who is from where, who raps better then who, whos dick is bigger or any of these other lame ass reasons. gas is back on the rise, cops are still abusing power and global warming didnt go away just because its cold.

men should behave like men and stop actin like 3rd graders fightin in the water fountain line

apartment fires and mixed emotions

damn so a month and then some has past. where tha hell have i been? like wtf cav?

yea yea well lemme walk u down memory lane cav blog edition. first my brooklyn sanctum catches on fire. bye bye #3L. idk wat happened and no renters insurance. didnt even know such a thing existed..but would i have gotten it if i did? probably not so lets move on.

i wake up at 1 somethin in the am to tha smoke alarm and a room filled with smoke. i run to tha living room[ with my purse, geneva tha laptop and my stuffed from for sentimental reasons] and see my couch is on fire. wtf rite?? i run to get ma roomie who is sleepin thru tha whole ordeal. yea drunk sleep is powerful. we run out and she gets the neighbors on our floor and tha 1 above. i get the bottom 2 floors. idk who called the fire depo but they were there by the time we made it outside. 4 floors all outside jokin, chillin in the rain singin the roof is on fire. honestly we didnt think it was gonna be major. hour and a half later we're cleared to go back n.

tunnel vision to my floor. black walls and it stunk crazy. i look in our apartment and just broke down.. no kitchen sink, cabinets, couch, ANYTHiNG. tha only thing still standing was the stainless steel fridge. it was crazy yo and i couldnt stop the tears. i didnt even realize i was still crying but my wet face and bangiin ass headache confirmed.

i seriously ran thru ciggs like its nobodies business

im better now i have a real positive outlook cus it could have been worse. all of my neighbors took apart their smoke alarms so ours was tha last standing. if the fire started in any other apartment i woulda lost more then my clothes collection and ma babies[shoes] along with tha rest of my shit. no im not one of those near death lets live life like im now invincible types so im just chillin. i crashed with my neighbors on tha 1st floor for about 2 weeks before i decided it was time to tuck my tail and come back to sunny california.

i hate it and i miss NY more then i miss my first love. that means i loved NY wayy too much or i didnt love my first love at all. if that makes sense to anyone but me. i cryed quietly in tha car to tha airport and a little on the way thru the doors. a tear for all my big city memories, my new friends, and because i felt like i was givin up. im not a quiter but i was smoove outta options.

well now u kno y this is my first entry in ages but im ready to write again. i can talk about my [situation] without my stomach knottin up and ma eyes waterin again so i guess its time to move on. i will be back to ny. my work is not done yet

♥Cavi