im browsin the web right. i was on world star, xxl, on smash, and site like thst. one thing they have in common is all the HATE. im lookin like wow do people really not have anything better to do with their freetime than go hate on somebody elses shit?
i cant help but wonder how they feel after they [anonymously] post all the bullshit they do. i be feelin like i gotta post back. come to peoples rescue. put some positivly on the site since its so flooded with negativity. but i dont.. dont wanna give them the time of day. plus at the end of the day im not changing the minds of the ones who already have their minds set on that bullshit they be on. im not gonna convince one of the website warriors to change their ways. it is worth a try but not worth the energy. my friends always did call me captin save a hoe.
am i the only one left who doesnt feel the need to watch a video for someone i dont like, or listen to their music or just follow their movement in general and give hate? yes i think i am. i dont surround myself with negative [well i try not to] and i figured out that is why im alone. because everyone i come in contact with has this dark cloud over their heads. dont people know that negative energy is contageous. its like a disease. it spreads. real talk. have u ever been in the best mood and all ur friends seem to be having the worst day ever. doesnt that take ur energy level down. dont it fuck up all the good shit u had goin? hypothetical question cus i know it does.
if anyone reads this i hope it has sparked a flame in ur mind and i hope it helps u to stay as positive as u can.. or at least dont go out of ur way to be negative. i know nobody is perfect
signed
cavi♥
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
the power of alcohol
i cant sleep. i had dreamcity playlist but it didt do the trick.
i need to talk so i call my bestfriend. his phone is off. some best friend he is. i call another close friend. he doesnt answer. i call another friend who is like my brother.. no answer.
im always available. i always make myself avilable for those who need me. but who is available for me. i am n need of someone to talk to. i am sad. i dont know why. i pick up my bottle of skyy vodka. i take a drink and already i feel better.
i said it once i'll say it again. im so alone. i feel like i dont have anyone to relate to how i feel.
scratch that i have 1 person. scott messcudi. kid cudi. but i only have his music. its as close am i will get. but he feels me. he goes through what i go thru.
i need to talk to somebody so i can verbalize this feeling i have. the problem is i have nobody. i am 2000 miles from home. i am alone. even when i was home in the bay i was alone. i need somebody to hold me. a shoulder to cry on. someone to rub my back and tell me that i am ok. i need to feel ok.
whats my purpose in life am i destined to forever be alone. having my heart set on things out of my reace. is my problem that i want what i cant have. why can i not have everything i want. i see people everyday who look happy. on the outside they are all smiles. like life is all shits and giggles. they look happy to me. like they figured it all out. i sit and wonder how i look to them. when i smile do they see that i am broken? can they see the pain behind my stone face. i dont smile for mo reason. i walk around with a mug that says dont fuck with me, is that why im so alone. because i say dont fuck with me with my expressions.?
why does noone bother to see what i say with my heart. am i not worth the time it would take to see whats behind the stone cold expressions.
sometimes i hate who i am. i hate the life i was givin. want another life. a happier life. with meaning. im surrounded by people all day and feel alone. i spend all day with " friends " at school and feel alone. i come home and surround myself wit more people and feel alone. how can i change that? how do i stop hurting. how do i stop feeking so alone?
no one has these answers for me. i cant figure this out on my own but have no one to help me through. what am i to do.
drown my sorrows in my skyy bottle and hope that one day the life i live will get better i guess
i cant sleep. i had dreamcity playlist but it didt do the trick.
i need to talk so i call my bestfriend. his phone is off. some best friend he is. i call another close friend. he doesnt answer. i call another friend who is like my brother.. no answer.
im always available. i always make myself avilable for those who need me. but who is available for me. i am n need of someone to talk to. i am sad. i dont know why. i pick up my bottle of skyy vodka. i take a drink and already i feel better.
i said it once i'll say it again. im so alone. i feel like i dont have anyone to relate to how i feel.
scratch that i have 1 person. scott messcudi. kid cudi. but i only have his music. its as close am i will get. but he feels me. he goes through what i go thru.
i need to talk to somebody so i can verbalize this feeling i have. the problem is i have nobody. i am 2000 miles from home. i am alone. even when i was home in the bay i was alone. i need somebody to hold me. a shoulder to cry on. someone to rub my back and tell me that i am ok. i need to feel ok.
whats my purpose in life am i destined to forever be alone. having my heart set on things out of my reace. is my problem that i want what i cant have. why can i not have everything i want. i see people everyday who look happy. on the outside they are all smiles. like life is all shits and giggles. they look happy to me. like they figured it all out. i sit and wonder how i look to them. when i smile do they see that i am broken? can they see the pain behind my stone face. i dont smile for mo reason. i walk around with a mug that says dont fuck with me, is that why im so alone. because i say dont fuck with me with my expressions.?
why does noone bother to see what i say with my heart. am i not worth the time it would take to see whats behind the stone cold expressions.
sometimes i hate who i am. i hate the life i was givin. want another life. a happier life. with meaning. im surrounded by people all day and feel alone. i spend all day with " friends " at school and feel alone. i come home and surround myself wit more people and feel alone. how can i change that? how do i stop hurting. how do i stop feeking so alone?
no one has these answers for me. i cant figure this out on my own but have no one to help me through. what am i to do.
drown my sorrows in my skyy bottle and hope that one day the life i live will get better i guess
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Needs
i need to be back n the bay faster then asap cus at least there i wasnt so fckin aloooooone.
..this all needs to happen faster then asap. christmas break just will not due
..this all needs to happen faster then asap. christmas break just will not due
Saturday, November 1, 2008
wtf
i have the headache that i am convinced only comes before sudden death. its crazy i am currently out of advil liquid gels. there r people outside of my master suite and i am 10 seconds away from throwing hot garbage juice on them because they will not shut what i like to call the fuck up.
more?
of course there is. yesterday i was stuck bein a baby sitter to my drunk ass neightbor and i saved her from approximatly 11 ass whoopiins cus she was actin the hell up and callin random girls sluts/cunts/bitches/ass candy and everything else. this is why i do not keep company with broads or any1 who can not hold their liquor. she stressed me out, had me smokin up all her ciggs [she was the reason for my stress so i wasnt gone smoke all ma shit up] and i had to smack her twice..
now i am usually a non violent person.this is just my nature but damn she needed the hand of god one good time. she didnt sober up the first time so i thought another one would do the trick. dead wrong. then she was n my face telling me this totally irrelevent story about how she went to jail seven times for bein drunk n public, blowin her nacho cheese smellin corn nut breath in my face and further pissin me off.
idk how i survived last nite.idk how she survived last nite cus the devil on my shoulder told me if i pushed her drunk ass in front of a bus or down a flight of stairs or pulled her face off her skull i would feel better. if i was listening to my fight club [loud angry get buck songs] playlist as oppose to my electric relaxation [chill layd back] playlist, she would have woke up with her eyes n the back of her head cus thats where i woulda knocked them and ma foot 4 feet in that ass.
ok i feel better now that i got that out but i still have a headache and the people r still outside working the nerve past my last one. if i dont post in a minute its cus i went outside and started gassin niggas.
more?
of course there is. yesterday i was stuck bein a baby sitter to my drunk ass neightbor and i saved her from approximatly 11 ass whoopiins cus she was actin the hell up and callin random girls sluts/cunts/bitches/ass candy and everything else. this is why i do not keep company with broads or any1 who can not hold their liquor. she stressed me out, had me smokin up all her ciggs [she was the reason for my stress so i wasnt gone smoke all ma shit up] and i had to smack her twice..
now i am usually a non violent person.this is just my nature but damn she needed the hand of god one good time. she didnt sober up the first time so i thought another one would do the trick. dead wrong. then she was n my face telling me this totally irrelevent story about how she went to jail seven times for bein drunk n public, blowin her nacho cheese smellin corn nut breath in my face and further pissin me off.
idk how i survived last nite.idk how she survived last nite cus the devil on my shoulder told me if i pushed her drunk ass in front of a bus or down a flight of stairs or pulled her face off her skull i would feel better. if i was listening to my fight club [loud angry get buck songs] playlist as oppose to my electric relaxation [chill layd back] playlist, she would have woke up with her eyes n the back of her head cus thats where i woulda knocked them and ma foot 4 feet in that ass.
ok i feel better now that i got that out but i still have a headache and the people r still outside working the nerve past my last one. if i dont post in a minute its cus i went outside and started gassin niggas.
[insert rant title here]
ewww i hate to be a bitch [just kidding i love it] but there really should be a special forces unit in the police [fck the dunkin donut eattin cracker ass bush supportin lick ma ass crack u frickin pigs givin me a speedin ticket wen i wasn't speedin i was simply keeping up wit the flow of traffic ass cunts] sorry i blackd.
i meant to say fashion police should be a job cus some people commit fashion crimes and need to be put behind bars! now i do my own thing with clothes. slap things on mix shit up yada yada but DAMN. enough said.
sorry i just seen a collection of hott ass messes walkin down the street and ma brain shitted. i haaad to write that down
i meant to say fashion police should be a job cus some people commit fashion crimes and need to be put behind bars! now i do my own thing with clothes. slap things on mix shit up yada yada but DAMN. enough said.
sorry i just seen a collection of hott ass messes walkin down the street and ma brain shitted. i haaad to write that down
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