randomly

jus cus i needed to blog today..

twitter is soo addicting!! its crazy i refresh for updates minute[ly]and i love how the "celebs" are so accesible. and anyone who twitters follow me i shall follow u. sounds kinda biblical huh. i think my favorite updates come from wale. usually hilarious and thought provoking. i bet if u didnt have twitter that alone makes u want one.haha but wat i hate is the fake like "official so&so's twitter" and especially the people whos updates are always " at blankey blanks studio" or any of the other political rap bullshit. oh yea and i hate the people who have their damn assitants twitter for them. LAMe. promote on myspace leave twittering to tha pros [pats self on back then hits the harlem shake]

anywhooooo listening to my 88 keys cd/ silently judging all tha so & so's on rock of love bus.


blah blah blah fill this up and i've bloggd.. tah-dahh:)

my life contadictions

i said to myself in o9 i do things differently.
i said i would stop tryna be everything to everybody. stop over extendin myself man. im a people pleaser and thats a negative because tryin to make everybody happy usually leaves me tired and bitchy.

i also said i was going to think more closely about the decisions i make. i am really jus go wit the flow but being go wit the flow can be a negative too. i quit h&m cus i didnt feel like goin to work one day. no call no show. next day same shit. so eventually i just called to quit. same with my restuarant job, my security job, and my first college. it not that things were hard i just wanted somethin different. somethin new.something fulfilling. time doesnt roll backwards and im getting older. i really am not tryna be a 30 year old massage therapist/surfer/folk dancer.

the last thing i said was i was gonna think less in my relationships. i get in situations where i just cant seem to let my guard down. this means im dolo all the time. this doesnt require explaination cus it is what it is. hopefully i can switch direction or at least get my life together.

maybe tomorrow i can better express myself im dumb tired rite now. read it a couple times tho i kno it makes some kind of sense

idk sometimes i just black..

ok so a past time of mines is finding and listening to interviews. my favos r the ones i find on Sirius radio. radio with no censorship no commercial and music wit all tha cuss words.hahah but anywho i listened to the jamie foxx show when he had superhead on and i just starting thinking about superhead. she is funny. but not funny haha she is funny like is she serious funny? now before i black jus know that my intentions were not to hate but it is wat it is and its prolly gonna come off wrong. now she says she is a role model and she is goin to all these schools to talk to tha students and her message is to uplift women but how are u suppose to be uplifted by a woman who sucked a mean dick for a living and exploited all then men she wrote about. honestly she is full of shit and its about money and being the center of attention.you can yell hi hater till ur tongue dries up but thats why there are two books about all of her fuckery and best believe she was name dropping cus the more big names the better. now she had tha new book dont kno tha name all i know is its about keeping a when this so and so goes threw men like a sicky goes thru Kleenex. which part of any of this is uplifting?

now she is smart. this is where i will big her up. look at superhead and look at the new breed of video hoe. thick wit big titties and bigger asses [pause no homo all that otha bs yall love]she aint got nothin on them otha hoes plus she is gettin old and played out. she had 2 options 1 was fall back and reflect on the wonder years or stay "poppin". obviously she took door number 2. so she writes a book and it was really the first of its kind. not the first scandal story but the first hiphop groupie bitch book with tha names of people you cnt keep out of your mouth or off your tv or off your computer screen. book dropped and smashed so she rode the wave and did it again. woow so none of this is uplifting or positive rite. well apparently the whole time her goal was to teach the what not to do's of the industry blah blah. soo if thats her whole thing then where does the book on how to find and keep a man come in at? yess! and i listened to an interview where she said that was the book she was pushin in the first place.

so with all this being said why r you doing interviews and touring schools saying your goal is to be a role model for woman and in the same breath telling people dont do anything for nothing and your pussy has a price. be real about your intentions and stop switchin shit up when its convenient. the only thing i learned from superhead is being a groupie can pay all you need is a strong neck, a mac book and a publicist.

bart shootings and the madness in ma town

when will this change. Oscar Grant was the man shot in killed while handcuffed and not resisting in any way. this tears me up. i didnt want to blog about it but i just needed to say one thing. i am so sorry for your loss sophia. she is oscars girlfriend and the mother of his 4 year old daughter. a daughter who will now live the remainder of her life left with out her daddy to teach her how to ride her bike with no training wheels, to drop her off at school, teach her numbers, or do anything else with her.

i get soo mad when i hear people actually trying to make excuses for the cop. he was reaching for his taser? for what oscar was on the ground, handcuffed with a knee on his head. what kind of threat did he pose? the cops actions were unexcusable. for one how have u been a cop for 2 years and still dont know where your taser is? and again why would u tase a man who is handcuffed and laying down. whatever our justice system is so fucked up those questions may never be answered.

now the protest. i dont understand it? what is being protested? the family is sueing and will win, the cop quit and will be brought up on charges. the protest is now a riot. stores being looted, cars being broken into, set on fire, all that is ridiculous. think about this, the cop shot a helpless handcuffed person but the protestors are not helpless and are actually actin a fool. in that situation cops have the right [they are allowed by law] to do whats neccessary to maintain order. meaning u can get tasered, peppersprayed and under the extreme circumstances shot. the cops will be justified because of the sheer fuckery of the situation. if you want to protest then do just that, PROTEST. a protest is not a riot which is why there are two different words for them. the owners of the cars and stores had nothing to do with the situation so i say quit lookin for reasons to act niggerish[ the ignorant aspect not the blackness of it]and stop making it easier for cops to get away with the bullshit they continue to slide with

Fortune Cookies

"the best prophet for the future is your past"

that was the fortune pulled from my..well fortune cookie. haha
i read and dissect my fortunes so wen i got this one i was amped because its self explainatory and real shit. learn from the mistakes and missteps in your past. learn from the bad so you can make it better. some people say when it comes to the past dont look back. i say the opposite look at what shaped you into the person you are today. past experiences are learning experiences.

it was a pretty simple fortune so no need to keep rambling about it just thought i would share. what was the realest fortune u ever pulled from a cookie? they are no longer just snacks, they are also thought provoking blog starters.lol

wats beef?

listening to mos def and talib kweli [whats beef]

it got me thinking about the so called beefs in hip hop. do beef exist with out violence? and what does tha violence resolve if it does exist? 50 had beef with ja rule but it was all pretty innocent and i aint gone lie get rich or die tryin was a hell of an album. plus 50 proved that he can shut careers all tha way down cus who we kidding ja rule never recovered. but then you have the newest beef between jump off joe budden and some dude who im hearing is a rapper. it was all shits and giggles for me and tha other nosey ass people checkin world star for daily updates until ransom went to joes homies house and his friend smacked up dude who lived there. he was a friend of a friend im sure u watched the video. any way this was all to say when does all the none sense come to an end. this situation could turn ugly nd im talkin gun play ugly. but joe and ransom have kids and families so as adults when is it time to stop thinkin about yourself and ur ego and start thinkin the consequences of your actions. i kno its sounds corny and madd preachy but im jus sayin. if anything should happen to either of them a child would go fatherless a mother without a son and their fans would shit outta luck too.

honestly beef is not about who is from where, who raps better then who, whos dick is bigger or any of these other lame ass reasons. gas is back on the rise, cops are still abusing power and global warming didnt go away just because its cold.

men should behave like men and stop actin like 3rd graders fightin in the water fountain line

apartment fires and mixed emotions

damn so a month and then some has past. where tha hell have i been? like wtf cav?

yea yea well lemme walk u down memory lane cav blog edition. first my brooklyn sanctum catches on fire. bye bye #3L. idk wat happened and no renters insurance. didnt even know such a thing existed..but would i have gotten it if i did? probably not so lets move on.

i wake up at 1 somethin in the am to tha smoke alarm and a room filled with smoke. i run to tha living room[ with my purse, geneva tha laptop and my stuffed from for sentimental reasons] and see my couch is on fire. wtf rite?? i run to get ma roomie who is sleepin thru tha whole ordeal. yea drunk sleep is powerful. we run out and she gets the neighbors on our floor and tha 1 above. i get the bottom 2 floors. idk who called the fire depo but they were there by the time we made it outside. 4 floors all outside jokin, chillin in the rain singin the roof is on fire. honestly we didnt think it was gonna be major. hour and a half later we're cleared to go back n.

tunnel vision to my floor. black walls and it stunk crazy. i look in our apartment and just broke down.. no kitchen sink, cabinets, couch, ANYTHiNG. tha only thing still standing was the stainless steel fridge. it was crazy yo and i couldnt stop the tears. i didnt even realize i was still crying but my wet face and bangiin ass headache confirmed.

i seriously ran thru ciggs like its nobodies business

im better now i have a real positive outlook cus it could have been worse. all of my neighbors took apart their smoke alarms so ours was tha last standing. if the fire started in any other apartment i woulda lost more then my clothes collection and ma babies[shoes] along with tha rest of my shit. no im not one of those near death lets live life like im now invincible types so im just chillin. i crashed with my neighbors on tha 1st floor for about 2 weeks before i decided it was time to tuck my tail and come back to sunny california.

i hate it and i miss NY more then i miss my first love. that means i loved NY wayy too much or i didnt love my first love at all. if that makes sense to anyone but me. i cryed quietly in tha car to tha airport and a little on the way thru the doors. a tear for all my big city memories, my new friends, and because i felt like i was givin up. im not a quiter but i was smoove outta options.

well now u kno y this is my first entry in ages but im ready to write again. i can talk about my [situation] without my stomach knottin up and ma eyes waterin again so i guess its time to move on. i will be back to ny. my work is not done yet

♥Cavi