the power of alcohol

i cant sleep. i had dreamcity playlist but it didt do the trick.

i need to talk so i call my bestfriend. his phone is off. some best friend he is. i call another close friend. he doesnt answer. i call another friend who is like my brother.. no answer.

im always available. i always make myself avilable for those who need me. but who is available for me. i am n need of someone to talk to. i am sad. i dont know why. i pick up my bottle of skyy vodka. i take a drink and already i feel better.

i said it once i'll say it again. im so alone. i feel like i dont have anyone to relate to how i feel.

scratch that i have 1 person. scott messcudi. kid cudi. but i only have his music. its as close am i will get. but he feels me. he goes through what i go thru.

i need to talk to somebody so i can verbalize this feeling i have. the problem is i have nobody. i am 2000 miles from home. i am alone. even when i was home in the bay i was alone. i need somebody to hold me. a shoulder to cry on. someone to rub my back and tell me that i am ok. i need to feel ok.

whats my purpose in life am i destined to forever be alone. having my heart set on things out of my reace. is my problem that i want what i cant have. why can i not have everything i want. i see people everyday who look happy. on the outside they are all smiles. like life is all shits and giggles. they look happy to me. like they figured it all out. i sit and wonder how i look to them. when i smile do they see that i am broken? can they see the pain behind my stone face. i dont smile for mo reason. i walk around with a mug that says dont fuck with me, is that why im so alone. because i say dont fuck with me with my expressions.?

why does noone bother to see what i say with my heart. am i not worth the time it would take to see whats behind the stone cold expressions.

sometimes i hate who i am. i hate the life i was givin. want another life. a happier life. with meaning. im surrounded by people all day and feel alone. i spend all day with " friends " at school and feel alone. i come home and surround myself wit more people and feel alone. how can i change that? how do i stop hurting. how do i stop feeking so alone?

no one has these answers for me. i cant figure this out on my own but have no one to help me through. what am i to do.

drown my sorrows in my skyy bottle and hope that one day the life i live will get better i guess